"You have the choice: to get better, or to get bitter."
- Carolyn Myss
Wow! I love that! What do you think about that statement? If you made two columns and listed all that you hold bitter and all that you would love to see better, could you connect and match one to the other? (Meaning, "I'm bitter about this and would feel better about it if I wasn't.")
That's this week's topic, and let me just say right up front, I'm not talking about love they neighbor or come to peace with your ex or an estranged relative. In fact, I believve that the word FORGIVENESS should be spelled FORGIVEYOU.
It has my spell check all confused, but not my heart. Why Well, because forgiveness implies that you have decided that you are right, that someone else is wrong, and that they have somehow done wrong and it's about you. Your belief system has you believing you are somehow better than that person. (Another WOW!)
In case you aren't folloing this, all signs are now pointing you toward judgment!
Yes, judgment! Think about this: if you have decided and ruled on a person or a situation, it's based on your beliefs. Once you have made it personal, you begin the loop of personal pain. (Ouch) The other person is not walking around with the intention of hurting you. We've covered this in previous Cafes.
We, the people, think about ourselves. Specifically about how we are going to get our individual 6 human needs met, and we strive to meet them on a very primitive level. If you don't believe me, think back to a time someone said you hurt them, you somehow wronged them. You recall the situation and OK, maybe your action wasn't the best for them. Ask yourself, "Was I intentionally setting out to hurt them?" If the answer is no, (hopefully), then voila! It's not a matter of selfishness, it's a matter of meeting a basic human need. (This is not excusing violent crimes and intentional physical harm towards others. Although, even that has an individual need being met for that person.)
So, are you able to identify the need you were meeting for yourself in that situation? (Love, significance, certainty...) If you are able to recognize that you act, think, and feel based on your needs, what do you think the person you are currently holding grievance toward was once doing?
Getting back to judgment, once you have ruled on a situation in your head, you have judged it, judged them, and now judge yourself. How you perceive the thoughts and actions that someone else makes is how you perceive your own. They have moved on, not forgotten, but moved on. Yet you are willing to relive, rehash, and re-judge that grievance, creating HUGE emotional pain within yourself.
So, back to the top! Do you want to feel better, or do you want to feel bitter?
The way to this peace is not by following a 3-easy-steps process or by using ten top tips for FORGIVENESS of others. It's by discovering the power that comes from FORGIVING YOU! Letting go of that belief that keeps you suffering. That's what we'll be covering this Saturday.
Listen. I know that personal developent work can be tricky. It can bring up a lot of new thoughts and old hurts So perhaps in all of that is a message. You're not broken, right, or wrong. You don't need fixing or reprogramming. You could hear that one thing, shift hat 1 degree, and choose in that split second that you can do anythying! That you can have anything! That you deserve happiness! The catch? Forgivingyou first, and deciding if what you've been doing isn't working, that it's time to come hear about something that might.
Stop judging, blaming, sabotaging, hurting, and hiding!
I ran for a long time. A long, long time, and what I know for sure is that you always get caught. Beautiful You, it's time to learn some basics on FORGIVEYOU!
See you Saturday! Remember: you have a choice to be a better person and to live a better life. You only have one!